初中幽默英语笑话

　　“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面学习啦小编为大家带来初中幽默英语笑话，希望大家喜欢!

　　初中幽默英语笑话1：

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(严格地，严厉地).

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(劝告，建议) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(胆小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。

　　然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。

　　国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。

　　陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。

　　初中幽默英语笑话2：

　　Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

　　在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。

　　I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $$10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

　　我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。

　　初中幽默英语笑话3：

　　The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

　　美国中情局要召一个刺客的职位。在进行过所有背景调查、面谈和测试之后，最终剩下三名候选人，两个男人和一个女人。最后一轮测试，中情局官员把其中一个男人领到一扇大铁门前，然后给他一把枪。

　　"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

　　“我们要了解你能够无条件地服从所有指令。在这扇门里有你老婆，你去把她干掉。”

　　The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

　　这第一个男人说：“少开玩笑了!我绝对不可能会向我老婆开枪的。”

　　The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

　　官员回答说：“那你就不适合这份工作。”

　　The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

　　接着他们要求第二个男人做同样的事。他拿了枪走进房间，5分钟后哭着出来，说：“我试过了，但我不能杀死我的妻子。”

　　The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

　　官员说：“你不具备这项工作要求的能力，带着你老婆回家吧。”

　　Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

　　最后轮到了候选者中的女人。她被要求杀死自己的丈夫。她拿枪进入房间。接着，外面听到了两声枪响。然后是尖叫声、撞击声、和什么东西摔在墙上的声响。再几分钟，一切都安静了。门慢慢打开，那女人站在那里。她把袖子卷起来，说：“你们这些家伙怎么不告诉我枪里没装子弹啊?我最后还是用椅子把他打死的!”


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