简单幽默英语笑话

　　“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面学习啦小编为大家带来简单幽默英语笑话，希望大家喜欢!

　　简单幽默英语笑话1

　　One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

　　He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

　　"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

　　"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

　　一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

　　他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

　　“你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗?”

　　“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”

　　简单幽默英语笑话2

　　At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

　　His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

　　"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

　　"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

　　在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

　　他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来--然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

　　“你为什么这么高兴?”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

　　“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的--但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”

　　简单幽默英语笑话3

　　An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $$500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

　　"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

　　"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

　　"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

　　一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

　　“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

　　“其他人在哪儿?”一名医生问道。

　　“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”


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